Have you ever shared a great idea, only to have someone respond with, “Yes, but...” or “That idea will never work”? If ideas are shot down before they can be deeply considered, individuals may shut down and not participate and teams will suffer.

So how do you handle these unproductive behaviors in a respectful way, especially when you’re becoming frustrated? The answer is not what you might expect. We suggest that you listen carefully to the “rejecter,” just when you want to be heard yourself!

When you hear resistance and listen with curiosity, the usual response is that the rejecter will feel heard and will therefore be more open to your views. Other important things happen: you are asking the commenter to be accountable and raising expectations that thoughtful solutions will be provided along with any rejecting comments in the future.

Here are some examples, tips, and possible responses:

		When they say: “That sounds like a great idea, but I don't think it will work.” Ask a question/clarify: “What makes you say that?” “Tell me more about your views...”
		When they say: “Your ideas are always so stupid, you Bozo.” Repeat the “loaded” words : “Always?” “Stupid?” “Bozo?” “Hmm, what do you mean by ‘stupid ideas’?”
		When they say: “You people are going about this in the wrong way.” Ask for solutions: “What do you think will work?” “What are your ideas for solving this?”

		To inquire about classes at your workplace, contact us:
		Janie Trainor: jtrainor@novaworks.org
		Marsha Austin: maustin@novaworks.org
		www.pepskills.org