March/April 2008

In a meeting that began 20 minutes ago, our coworker Stacy walks in late and sighs heavily as she sits down. What are our first thoughts? Some possibilities might be: “Stacy likes to make grand entrances” or “She doesn't want to be here” or “Poor Stacy, she was probably caught in traffic.”

Because of our built-in fight-or-flight response, we are wired to make meaning of behaviors, even with very little information. We make up stories to fill in the gap.The pattern looks like this:

Stimulus > Story > Judgment > Emotion > Response

When Stacy shares an idea later in the meeting, we will likely be influenced by our earlier secret judgment, whether it was positive or negative. Being aware of our inner stories is a high-level skill that can greatly enhance our success both in our careers and in life.

Notice what story you might tell yourself in the following examples:

		Stimulus: Ted didn't call you back.   Ted dislikes me and doesn’t want to talk to me. Ted doesn’t have the budget for my idea. It's Monday; Ted's probably busy.
		Stimulus: Ann turns her eyes away and puts her hand to her mouth.   Ann is bored and doesn't want to hear my idea. Ann thinks I’m incompetent. Ann may be thinking about a possible solution.
		Stimulus: Pat got the contract Pat’s customer doesn't know how arrogant he can be. I'll bet Pat has created a lot more work for me. Pat is good at negotiating.

		To inquire about classes at your workplace, contact:
		Janie Trainor: jtrainor@novaworks.org
		Marsha Austin: maustin@novaworks.org
		www.pepskills.org

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